I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
