Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
how drunk are you?
Several
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
