Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Mom said you looked used
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You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
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I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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