OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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