oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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