oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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