Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She's the barista slut.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
