I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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