Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
