I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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