If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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