DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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