you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just googled if crying burns calories
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
