OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
