I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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