How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
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From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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