I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
