remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
