If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
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You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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