I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
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