I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
