just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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