so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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