I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
