honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
