help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
