Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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