I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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