Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
