ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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