I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
