she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
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I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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