I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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