my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Bring me that man meat
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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