What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Come see our sink grown plant.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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