You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"