8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.