Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present