she was so not down for the gang bang
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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