so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
