Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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