She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
