walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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