his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
