yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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