Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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