can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
the raccoons are back...
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