I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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