I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
