Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
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He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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