I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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