i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
