i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket