I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.