turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.