I want to stick my p in your. b.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.