I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma