There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are we still banned from the library?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.