i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.