Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities