your thong is hanging out like whoa
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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