wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
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bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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