i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
im holly from the hills drunk
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
