btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
