I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I will pee on everything he values.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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