Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
A+ Viking dick
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
