i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
