Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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