We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
