Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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