im having a threesome with these popsicles
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
