Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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