Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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