dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
