I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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